Relaxation equals weed
I kinda decided to limit my smoking to the weekends. I can’t really say that works out very well for me.
During my trip last weekend I realized that my main problem is my missing ability of saying “no”. When the opportunity represents itself, I just kinda go with it, instead of thinking about whether it’s clever or not. However, I can save my own weed, which is a huge step for me! I have a bag of weed on my table, which has been laying there since sunday. Go me!
I was pretty active yesterday. Worked out at 11, followed by some good lunch with a good friend. I did two walks, 7 km in total, and in the evening me and the before mentioned friend started out a handy man project. We’re going to paint his speakers, which is a pretty big project, since they have some kind of cloth glued to them. Getting that off was pretty god damn hard, and the glue still sticks a lot. In the evening my body was pretty used up!
We were a few friends getting together yesterday, and the opportunity of smoking weed presented itself. I got high. Very high. Even though it was a lot fun, and I felt pretty great, I still think I shouldn’t have. Usually I’m not a person to regret things, but somehow I think I do. I think a lot about my well being at the moment, and going back to smoking every day would probably be a very bad thing for me. To be honest I can’t really remember that much from the past six months. Time has disappeared in a big cloud of smoke.
I am in a good place right now. I’m happy, energetic and a lot healthier than I’ve been for a lot time, and I want this to continue for as long as possible. I’m confident that I can do this, however I’m not sure how much I trust myself. I have the habit of throwing in the towel, and just let everything fuck itself up. I’m just not the best person for me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my trip last week. A few facts about myself just struck my mind. I realized that I just need someone to protect me. I just want to be looked after. The lonely nights have started getting to be. I miss intimacy and presence from another human being. I have a lot of friends that I’m close with, but that is just not enough. I miss having someone special in my life. The problem is that I just don’t have the confidence to think that someone could love me for me. I can’t really see how anyone can find me attractive enough, or even live with me and my mental issues. I believe I’m a difficult person to be with. Even though I’m in a good place right now, I just don’t know how long this will last..
Stoner's life 